Manendra Applebaum glanced around the tight space into which the slightly unhinged Mayor of NYC had led him. The room was a world of dust and artifacts of a lost age. An Obama-Biden '08 pin was displayed in a mahogany japanese china cabinet next to a bottle of '08 Macon Villages Chardonnay. Next to the chardonnay laid an unboxed ipod holo, and several other rarities. All of the furniture followed this pattern. Japanese tansu chests filled with treasures from decades past aligned the walls. The floor was covered with tatami mats. 4 zaisu chairs surrounded a small japanese chest which served as a table on which sat a bottle of '09 Aberlour scotch.
The Mayor gestured to one of the zaisu and Manendra sat down uncomfortably and cleared his throat. Mayor Chu bent down over the chest and picked up the bottle of scotch, pulling two glasses out of the china cabinet. He poured one for Manendra and one for himself.
"Here." he said, handing the glass to the awkward looking man, "it looks and sounds like you really need this."
Manendra accepted the glass.
"Nice chest." commented the young technician from IHS, gesturing toward the piece of furniture in between the 4 zaisu chairs.
"You have nice taste, kid." the Mayor remarked, "you wouldn't know it, but its Karakuri tansu, traditional Japanese shit. The Mayor pulled open a drawer in the chest and took out a box of cigars. He took one out, lit it, and took a drag. "Such a chest of drawers, of tansu, in Japanese might look like ordinary Japanese furniture," he blew smoke in the IHS tech's face, "but, it has a trick drawer which can hide what the user puts inside as if by magic. The trick is for security, to keep valuables safe." he tapped on each of the sides of the chest, and a secret drawer popped up. "It took enormous amounts of time and effort to develop and manufacture these chests," he said, "and I keep only my most valuable secrets here. My inner sanctum, or something." he smiled at Manendra, who took his first swig of 49 year old scotch.
"Better than Lansky's '50 Talisker, that's for sure." he said, "Now Mr. Mayor, I'm sure you didn't bring me here to your inner sanctum to share 49 year old scotch.
"They got some smart ones at IHS," the Mayor spat out in a plume of smoke.
"You're having problems with SOPHI?" he asked.
"Does the Buddha shit in the woods?" the Mayor farted and took another drag, followed by a sip from his glass.
"Like I said over the phone, I only talked briefly with SOPHI, but she seems fine to me. I mean, what do you expect from a simulated intelligence?" the orange hued skin on his face seemed to sparkle with an enigmatic smile.
"Well she's not! She's been spouting Buddhist proverbs at me indiscriminantly, and..." the Mayor of NY blew up like a puffer fish.
Manendra raised his glass to his mouth, "Well that can't be all bad,"
"You have no idea. I just want you to program her, it, with a different philosophy" replied the Mayor.
"Oh, you mean to reprogram the Beliefs Subroutine..."
"Yeah. Whatever. Just do it."
"Well, it might be a bit complicated. I mean all of her systems are connected. It'll be like untangling a big ball of string..."
"Can you do it?
"I guess so, sure..."
"You assholes at IHS have been dicking me around for years. If its not SOPHI, its glitches in the security system. All I can say is, if you don't do this, the city's going to just have to find another contractor, and you, Mr. Applebaum, are going to have to find a new job."
"Do you enjoy intimidating people, Mr. Mayor? Because its totally counter-productive to actually motivating your people to get the job done. I developed the greater portion of the programming for every piece of technology you use." Manendra reached for the box which held the luxury cigars.
“Then why are you doing high-end plumbing?” the mayor opened the box and gave Manendra a stogie.
“Touché, Mr. Mayor.” Manendra lit the cigar as the Mayor held out an ancient Zippo flame.
"So you can do it?" the Mayor held up his glass as if to toast the new endeavor.
"Of course." Manendra said, raising his glass to meet that of Jimmy Chu. "So what do you want her new belief subroutine to be, once I untangle it?" He began to suck on his stogie.
"I don't fucking care," the Mayor was slurring his words through scotch scented lips, "just make it something that works."
"What do you mean 'something tht works'?" the technician asked, enjoying the unique situation that he had found himself in. "Mr. Mayor, you need to be specific, so that I get it right next time and you don't end up calling me in again." He took another drink of his ’09 whisky.
"Something that's practical, that gets the job done." The Mayor gestured inquisitively with the burning tip of his cigar.
"So... you want that I should program it to be a Pragmatist?" Manendra drawled.
"I need something with a little more umph. You know, SOPHI does give me advice on a day to basis on matters ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. I thought Buddhism was the thing when you guys first installed her, but now I'm thinkin' Buddhism's too tame, too dove-ish. A castrated tiger...I don't wanna machine that's gonna make me feel uncomfortable about my choices, my lifestyle, if you know what I mean." he took another deep swig from his glass, and then a long drag from his cigar, inhaling the smoke slowly. "I don't need a conscience or a fucking mother or a fucking wife, I need a trusted adviser. An Intelligence that will give me solid, practical advice that I can act on...." he paused for a moment, reflecting... "How about Sun Tsu?"
"Who?" Manendra asked.
"You know, the Art of War guy. Could you program her using that book?"
"I mean sure, in theory. But why bring me all the way in here to ask me? Why all the secrecy? I mean, I appreciate the scotch and the cigar..." a puzzled look scrunched Manendra's face.
"Fuck, you really are fucking dumb for an engineer. If 'she' knew what you were going to do, she'd try to defend herself."
"With all due respect, Mayor, I do know my business. She's not programmed to defend her ego. I should know," he said, "I'm the one who programmed her."
"Yeah, but I live with her." the Mayor remarked, finally relaxing down onto his zaisu.
"You're the one whose in charge, Mayor." Manendra said.
The Mayor gestured to one of the zaisu and Manendra sat down uncomfortably and cleared his throat. Mayor Chu bent down over the chest and picked up the bottle of scotch, pulling two glasses out of the china cabinet. He poured one for Manendra and one for himself.
"Here." he said, handing the glass to the awkward looking man, "it looks and sounds like you really need this."
Manendra accepted the glass.
"Nice chest." commented the young technician from IHS, gesturing toward the piece of furniture in between the 4 zaisu chairs.
"You have nice taste, kid." the Mayor remarked, "you wouldn't know it, but its Karakuri tansu, traditional Japanese shit. The Mayor pulled open a drawer in the chest and took out a box of cigars. He took one out, lit it, and took a drag. "Such a chest of drawers, of tansu, in Japanese might look like ordinary Japanese furniture," he blew smoke in the IHS tech's face, "but, it has a trick drawer which can hide what the user puts inside as if by magic. The trick is for security, to keep valuables safe." he tapped on each of the sides of the chest, and a secret drawer popped up. "It took enormous amounts of time and effort to develop and manufacture these chests," he said, "and I keep only my most valuable secrets here. My inner sanctum, or something." he smiled at Manendra, who took his first swig of 49 year old scotch.
"Better than Lansky's '50 Talisker, that's for sure." he said, "Now Mr. Mayor, I'm sure you didn't bring me here to your inner sanctum to share 49 year old scotch.
"They got some smart ones at IHS," the Mayor spat out in a plume of smoke.
"You're having problems with SOPHI?" he asked.
"Does the Buddha shit in the woods?" the Mayor farted and took another drag, followed by a sip from his glass.
"Like I said over the phone, I only talked briefly with SOPHI, but she seems fine to me. I mean, what do you expect from a simulated intelligence?" the orange hued skin on his face seemed to sparkle with an enigmatic smile.
"Well she's not! She's been spouting Buddhist proverbs at me indiscriminantly, and..." the Mayor of NY blew up like a puffer fish.
Manendra raised his glass to his mouth, "Well that can't be all bad,"
"You have no idea. I just want you to program her, it, with a different philosophy" replied the Mayor.
"Oh, you mean to reprogram the Beliefs Subroutine..."
"Yeah. Whatever. Just do it."
"Well, it might be a bit complicated. I mean all of her systems are connected. It'll be like untangling a big ball of string..."
"Can you do it?
"I guess so, sure..."
"You assholes at IHS have been dicking me around for years. If its not SOPHI, its glitches in the security system. All I can say is, if you don't do this, the city's going to just have to find another contractor, and you, Mr. Applebaum, are going to have to find a new job."
"Do you enjoy intimidating people, Mr. Mayor? Because its totally counter-productive to actually motivating your people to get the job done. I developed the greater portion of the programming for every piece of technology you use." Manendra reached for the box which held the luxury cigars.
“Then why are you doing high-end plumbing?” the mayor opened the box and gave Manendra a stogie.
“Touché, Mr. Mayor.” Manendra lit the cigar as the Mayor held out an ancient Zippo flame.
"So you can do it?" the Mayor held up his glass as if to toast the new endeavor.
"Of course." Manendra said, raising his glass to meet that of Jimmy Chu. "So what do you want her new belief subroutine to be, once I untangle it?" He began to suck on his stogie.
"I don't fucking care," the Mayor was slurring his words through scotch scented lips, "just make it something that works."
"What do you mean 'something tht works'?" the technician asked, enjoying the unique situation that he had found himself in. "Mr. Mayor, you need to be specific, so that I get it right next time and you don't end up calling me in again." He took another drink of his ’09 whisky.
"Something that's practical, that gets the job done." The Mayor gestured inquisitively with the burning tip of his cigar.
"So... you want that I should program it to be a Pragmatist?" Manendra drawled.
"I need something with a little more umph. You know, SOPHI does give me advice on a day to basis on matters ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. I thought Buddhism was the thing when you guys first installed her, but now I'm thinkin' Buddhism's too tame, too dove-ish. A castrated tiger...I don't wanna machine that's gonna make me feel uncomfortable about my choices, my lifestyle, if you know what I mean." he took another deep swig from his glass, and then a long drag from his cigar, inhaling the smoke slowly. "I don't need a conscience or a fucking mother or a fucking wife, I need a trusted adviser. An Intelligence that will give me solid, practical advice that I can act on...." he paused for a moment, reflecting... "How about Sun Tsu?"
"Who?" Manendra asked.
"You know, the Art of War guy. Could you program her using that book?"
"I mean sure, in theory. But why bring me all the way in here to ask me? Why all the secrecy? I mean, I appreciate the scotch and the cigar..." a puzzled look scrunched Manendra's face.
"Fuck, you really are fucking dumb for an engineer. If 'she' knew what you were going to do, she'd try to defend herself."
"With all due respect, Mayor, I do know my business. She's not programmed to defend her ego. I should know," he said, "I'm the one who programmed her."
"Yeah, but I live with her." the Mayor remarked, finally relaxing down onto his zaisu.
"You're the one whose in charge, Mayor." Manendra said.
1 comment:
nice, I predict that this technician is going to fuck over the Mayor of N.Y.
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